good morning family! welcome to the day of rest...

well family, i can feel your all in fear of what ima say next...

so hold on to your seats! here we go...

it has taken me along time to figure out what the truth is 

 and all that time i was doing the same thing i see your all doing. 

with your finger out and your mouth open,  you see who is doing it wrong

and then you see more doing it wrong, then you wake up in the morning and see more doing it wrong, and then more goes wrong and the louder you scream and point no one stops doing it wrong

every time you look it seems to be getting worse by the minute.

now i am going to say the thing i have been saying all along

stop looking at it and just love the one in front of you!

if you can't understand what that means think about it!

i am not here to be your judge and you are not here to be mine

your children will do that and believe me now when i say you should be more skeered of that reality than anything i could ever say about you or to you.

because you can not hide from what you made them... everything you ever did is coded in their hearts, every thought you ever thunk is bouncing around their brains as possible choices.

every intent you ever entertained is beaming right out of their eyes.

now children hear me, if you just thought good! i am gonna tell! 

my mom did not love my dad enuf or my dad did not love my mom enuf...

 you better stop and rethink. 

because in the face of Divine Love that idea is going to sound pretty stupid!

hey dumb fuck! look in the mirror! are you not a creation of love?!

do you not understand how babies are made!? 

they loved each other just enuf to make a possibility

cuz that's what we all are... just a possibility... we all knew none us were gonna get it right

only one guy came here with all the codes to get it right and the minute he got it

he shot off into outer space shouting over his shoulder "love one another"

which is nice talk... in today's language is would have sounded more like

"good luck mother fuckers" because he knew what we all are

and he knew what we were gonna create on our own.

a big freakin mess! and hear me now family

it a big fucking mess and no one is paying attention! you all sit on your fat asses

and believe the bullshit they pump into that idiot box you stare at and do everything your told

you pay your taxes and register your cars and you take your children to school and gather garbage to show off your collection of bullshit to your bullshit friends who stay in their own box and do as they are told. and you think you love

forgive me 

if i sound angry and talk about love at the same time and you can not understand

i do not understand either... but you were right pam when you said 

"this is not about you and isaiah"

but it is not about you and chad either. 

it is about every mother and every son 

and every family who has been torn apart by the lies 

and set on the path of divide and conquer

here is a news flash people we are all on that path. we are all only doing what was done to us

no one can follow a path that has not been shown. and if the path was ever shown

they have since hidden it and lied about it because i am here to tell you

Jesus had a wife. and God is a couple. Divine Love takes two

working together as equals.

and no it is not hand in hand or arm in arm

when your gonna yoke together two beasts of burden of different sizes to pull one load

no sister a real woman does not get behind her man.

a real woman has her man behind her

why would i get behind? i can't see where i am going like that.

i have spent my life saying "i will not serve you like that and no you will not serve me like that"

i am sorry if you heard it like "i am not your fucking maid and i am done with your bullshit"

but you better understand now when faced with Divine Love

i am going to be able to say "i loved that one till the cops showed up and told me to leave, i loved that one till he threatened to kill me, i loved that one till he tried to kill me, i loved that one till he tried to have sex with my children and in the process i made that love and that love and that love and that love and that love." 

because listen family that is all i ever did, i have never held a job for more than 6 months, i have never owned a car or a house or even lived in one for more than a year. i have never been in a club or had a church where i belonged. i don't go on dates or get invited to parties. i have never been addicted to street drugs or shopping or food. i have never had a friend who last long

because as soon as a girl sees the way her man aims his intent at me she will say 

"you gotta go" 

and yes you were close to the truth 

when you asked gramma about those prom pictures hanging in the house in flagstaff

"so aunt sarah was married to my dad?" no sweetheart, your mom married my first kiss

and your dad did not help my case when i came to clean and cook for my sister who i love

and tried to get you kids to get up and help... and he walked in the door and saw what was going on and said "well i guess i married the wrong sister"

and that was only the first time of many, every sister, every time...

so now let's get to the bottom line. after almost 24 hrs of drama 

(which caused such an amount of anger in my son he just yesterday spoke to me since)

after all your planning and talking and your man trying against his better judgement

your boy got in the car with me and said it all "do you wanna know what my mom said?"  

"if i must..."

"did you fuck my friend?!" 

he did not hear anything else you said. i was so enraged!

 i thought my head was going to explode. "what?! why would she think that?!" 

and that is when your child told on you... not me. i did not say it

"sarah, you are the only one of my mom's friends who i have not..." 

sister you need to rethink your friends! 

when my path led me to your home christmas before last and your boy first recognized us as "boudreau's little brother?!" and you turned to me and said "oh i know your sister, those girls did not help when i lost my boy because they would not be my friend.  at baseball games she looked around me like this"  well i am not that sister, i am the sister who showed up to love and support you.  on the day you called needing help i showed up to be abused and mocked, against the screaming advice of my son who has been on the front lines of the drug war since the day he was born. and now that you realize your boy has been enlisted... when you called... i thought i was coming to you to talk about how 2 beautiful women of God can work together to make a difference... and you thought i was there to fuck your son?! no i am not trying to fuck your son, and i am not trying to fuck your husband or your boyfriend or yours or yours or yours!  as a matter of fact that is the exact thing i really hope never happens to me again! 

i am ready to experience love now

someone is going to love me now and 

 i don't know what any of you are talking about 

ok so i am just going to tell you what happened here today

my son just called me to tell me an unarmed handcuffed teenage boy was shot dead, six times by the police here in cottonwood.  my son knows this boys father of course... he showed up at the halfway house where my son is with a handful of bloody gravel to inform all his brothers in the program "i will never stay sober now... they killed my boy!'

and that family is what i am talking about!

 it's about a boy who will never get the chance...

and a father who will never get the chance...

so family now's your chance! i am telling you now's the time to love!

every person right where you are standing, turn to the closest person and say

"i love you! you are perfectly imperfect! you have done it just right and i have done it just right, there is nothing to forgive and i am sorry i forgot till now, but we are the family who loves each other! i am here for you and i am going to be right here for you because whatever you just did and whatever i just did was dumb and we are going to do the exact opposite of that

by loving each other now!"

so i will tell you what i am going to do now, 

i am going to post this and one other thing to facebook and 

tag myself on the map so you can all see where i am

then i am going to take this laptop back to uncle clyde's neighbor and then walk to the river

i have noticed 450+ people have read my words without one comment

so don't expect a response now... i do not communicate electronically

if you wanna talk, get in your fancy car and come find me

i am ten steps from a historic highway which is 15 mins from an inner state freeway

figure it out! i believe in you!

didn't he say "where 2 or more of you are gathered together..."

something like that, well i am just wittle ol me alone...

where are you?