my most kind and gracious...
Heavenly Father,
it's me sarah...
well it's thursday here and the sun is shining,
everything is just so beautiful and perfect in every way.
i love you and i love you and i can't stop loving you every minute.
Father i just wanna say out loud that i am beyond greatful for every single thing you have shown me.
you know that i am so thankful for every minute that you have guided me and protected me on my journey.
but now Father my journey is over... i have seen and heard and felt all these things and i am ready now to tell the truth.
i can do it Father, with your help of course!
i can be brave... i am not afraid.
but Father i can not do it with all these ppl speaking out against me.
you alone have been with me and supported me for months and years as i have fasted myself frail,
i have prayed my wittle brains out and meditated on the love of your Son and the mysteries of eternity. and you know i have done all this. i have worked and worked and worked to free myself from anger.
an amount of anger so consuming i was compelled to hiss in the face of any one who judged me.
Heavenly Father you have taught me a lot about judgement.
the first thing being,..everyone is doing it! as a matter of fact, no one can stop.
everyone is doing it every minute. i have realized it is having to do with
free will...
how can one make the jump if not to judge the distance?
but that way of thinking is the reverse of having faith, it is the opposite of trusting.
the teacher you sent me figured it out today. Star called! yay me! i am so blessed! thank you!
i was mentioning a fact that was odd... i had slept all night from the time i lay down at night until
the sun came up the next morning every night for the past so many nights...
and my Star Blessing
in her brightness
says "i think it is because you have been waking up every night to cover me up at night."
what? why would you say that?
"because since i have been with Cici i have had to wake up and pull the covers back on." she said
and had you never done that before? you heard me ask her in my retardedness
"not once." she said with confidence... not once? in 10 yrs?
Father do you understand what that means? here they call it PTSD
because you see here they don't help you when you are sick they just call you names.
and i have been called a lot of names...
well you know
here lets change course... we'll go green for a minute...
let's just talk about what it going on here right now, my boy is gonna be a man!
yeah! i'm pretty excited about it! him not so much i find.
when i mentioned it to him the other day
he responded "well yeah, but i already been a man for awhile now!"
and yes, in my own hillbilly mind he has been a man since he was bigger that me...
as you have seen, that was when he stopped doing anything i said. it was when he informed me
in his newly found manly growl "i do what i want!" i see Father that he was teaching me tho, it was not directed at me as a threat. it was in a war story of how he survived being locked up. Father God, i thought i was not going to be able to take it one more time
but wow! Heavenly Father you held me up!
every minute... i know you held me up!
epilepsy was the trick...
as everyone else was questioning if they had a higher power
i was learning to deal with sudden power loss and power loss and power loss and another power loss
and you are Great Father! and you are good and you are amazing and wonderful and i can't say it enuf you are awesome to me!
you sent me here with all the tools i would need to support my boy and stand up with him
and be the only one who faced with him 20 different lock down facilities before he turned himself in for
9 months in prison.
and now Father he is turning 21 tomorrow...
21 years i have done it alone
and for all those 21 years they have judged me and judged me and judged me
and they have gotten together in groups and judged me
and formed panels and committees, and clubs of haters have come together to judge me
and Myzaya
the two of us have been under attack here every minute
but Heavenly Father you sent us our rock from heaven
our Angel Brielle Star Blessing
and she has indeed been our rock!
she has always been the reason for us to keep moving forward
but now Heavenly Father... well you see where we are now
and you have shown me
that the unjust spoken words of one woman
can knock me right back down to where i was a month ago
and you can see Father it is not just one woman it is so many both men and women
every person who has ever heard our story has blasted us with every woulda shoulda coulda
that their dumb twisted minds can think up! they aim their expectations and their assumptions at us like canons. i have no doubt that you have seen all these things and you know all things and i understand now that all these things have been for our learning. and now finally i have come to the understanding why i am going to have to ask you to make them stop. you know Father that i love all your creation! i love all ppl. and i want us all to experience peace and joy and abunDance in all it's forms. because i see now that this is the thing that you want. you are the Great God who's intent is to experience creating thru your creation.
and so... that being the thing... for us to move forward from here in the direction which will lead us
back to you... we are gonna need all your little traffic lights who have been set at free will, to stop
focusing on us. if we are all gonna remember that we are the family that loves each other
if anyone is going to realize that there is nothing to forgive
we are going to need our fields to be cleared of
shame and blame and hate and
confusion
holy michael the arch angel, defend us in battle!
Holy Father God i am asking you now to send all your angels to defend us
because the battle is looking pretty bleak from here and i can not defend myself
i can not keep lifting them up to you one at a time, well i could if you wanted me to obviously
but i am not doing any good. i am doing any good like this. i used to think i was putting out fires
but i see now that all i am doing is fanning the flame. "shut the fuck up?" did he just tell me to shut
the fuck up? what in the hell?! yes Father i have understood for a minute now that we are all in hell and
all we have here is hate this and fear this and hate this and fear this and hate this and fear this and hate and
i can't take it anymore! so what now? i certainly can't put the entire planet on my prayer pulley and hoist it up to you. what would be the point? you just threw us out to learn our lessons! i do not know how to fix it
all i know is how to make a mess. i don't even know what i am talking about... the Just Judge! yeah send
HIm! the Prince of Peace he's the one we need now! the Master Teacher is the one who is to teach
us how! i know he came once before... but for just a minute and everyone was being dumb and
no one wanted to learn and you saw what happened. but we are ready to learn now
well i have found many who are. so many who are crying out to you.
and the others... well i am sure our Teacher of the Truth will
be able to call the class to attention as soon
as he comes! I know nothing Father,
you know that but i can give it all up to you!
i know that much! i am humbly asking you Father to
take our hearts and take our minds and make them your own!
make us worthy to do thy work!
i humbly ask you in the name of Your Son Jesus Christ
for thy will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven!
(pls send help soon we are all swirling the drain!)
i love you and i love you and i love you so
much i miss you every minute!
i wanted to be with you
by now! so if i am
not to come
you
Please send Love down to us
in the name of
Jesus Christ
amen
i can do it Father, with your help of course!
i can be brave... i am not afraid.
but Father i can not do it with all these ppl speaking out against me.
you alone have been with me and supported me for months and years as i have fasted myself frail,
i have prayed my wittle brains out and meditated on the love of your Son and the mysteries of eternity. and you know i have done all this. i have worked and worked and worked to free myself from anger.
an amount of anger so consuming i was compelled to hiss in the face of any one who judged me.
Heavenly Father you have taught me a lot about judgement.
the first thing being,..everyone is doing it! as a matter of fact, no one can stop.
everyone is doing it every minute. i have realized it is having to do with
free will...
how can one make the jump if not to judge the distance?
but that way of thinking is the reverse of having faith, it is the opposite of trusting.
the teacher you sent me figured it out today. Star called! yay me! i am so blessed! thank you!
i was mentioning a fact that was odd... i had slept all night from the time i lay down at night until
the sun came up the next morning every night for the past so many nights...
and my Star Blessing
in her brightness
says "i think it is because you have been waking up every night to cover me up at night."
what? why would you say that?
"because since i have been with Cici i have had to wake up and pull the covers back on." she said
and had you never done that before? you heard me ask her in my retardedness
"not once." she said with confidence... not once? in 10 yrs?
Father do you understand what that means? here they call it PTSD
because you see here they don't help you when you are sick they just call you names.
and i have been called a lot of names...
well you know
here lets change course... we'll go green for a minute...
let's just talk about what it going on here right now, my boy is gonna be a man!
yeah! i'm pretty excited about it! him not so much i find.
when i mentioned it to him the other day
he responded "well yeah, but i already been a man for awhile now!"
and yes, in my own hillbilly mind he has been a man since he was bigger that me...
as you have seen, that was when he stopped doing anything i said. it was when he informed me
in his newly found manly growl "i do what i want!" i see Father that he was teaching me tho, it was not directed at me as a threat. it was in a war story of how he survived being locked up. Father God, i thought i was not going to be able to take it one more time
but wow! Heavenly Father you held me up!
every minute... i know you held me up!
epilepsy was the trick...
as everyone else was questioning if they had a higher power
i was learning to deal with sudden power loss and power loss and power loss and another power loss
and you are Great Father! and you are good and you are amazing and wonderful and i can't say it enuf you are awesome to me!
you sent me here with all the tools i would need to support my boy and stand up with him
and be the only one who faced with him 20 different lock down facilities before he turned himself in for
9 months in prison.
and now Father he is turning 21 tomorrow...
21 years i have done it alone
and for all those 21 years they have judged me and judged me and judged me
and they have gotten together in groups and judged me
and formed panels and committees, and clubs of haters have come together to judge me
and Myzaya
the two of us have been under attack here every minute
but Heavenly Father you sent us our rock from heaven
our Angel Brielle Star Blessing
and she has indeed been our rock!
she has always been the reason for us to keep moving forward
but now Heavenly Father... well you see where we are now
and you have shown me
that the unjust spoken words of one woman
can knock me right back down to where i was a month ago
and you can see Father it is not just one woman it is so many both men and women
every person who has ever heard our story has blasted us with every woulda shoulda coulda
that their dumb twisted minds can think up! they aim their expectations and their assumptions at us like canons. i have no doubt that you have seen all these things and you know all things and i understand now that all these things have been for our learning. and now finally i have come to the understanding why i am going to have to ask you to make them stop. you know Father that i love all your creation! i love all ppl. and i want us all to experience peace and joy and abunDance in all it's forms. because i see now that this is the thing that you want. you are the Great God who's intent is to experience creating thru your creation.
and so... that being the thing... for us to move forward from here in the direction which will lead us
back to you... we are gonna need all your little traffic lights who have been set at free will, to stop
focusing on us. if we are all gonna remember that we are the family that loves each other
if anyone is going to realize that there is nothing to forgive
we are going to need our fields to be cleared of
shame and blame and hate and
confusion
holy michael the arch angel, defend us in battle!
Holy Father God i am asking you now to send all your angels to defend us
because the battle is looking pretty bleak from here and i can not defend myself
i can not keep lifting them up to you one at a time, well i could if you wanted me to obviously
but i am not doing any good. i am doing any good like this. i used to think i was putting out fires
but i see now that all i am doing is fanning the flame. "shut the fuck up?" did he just tell me to shut
the fuck up? what in the hell?! yes Father i have understood for a minute now that we are all in hell and
all we have here is hate this and fear this and hate this and fear this and hate this and fear this and hate and
i can't take it anymore! so what now? i certainly can't put the entire planet on my prayer pulley and hoist it up to you. what would be the point? you just threw us out to learn our lessons! i do not know how to fix it
all i know is how to make a mess. i don't even know what i am talking about... the Just Judge! yeah send
HIm! the Prince of Peace he's the one we need now! the Master Teacher is the one who is to teach
us how! i know he came once before... but for just a minute and everyone was being dumb and
no one wanted to learn and you saw what happened. but we are ready to learn now
well i have found many who are. so many who are crying out to you.
and the others... well i am sure our Teacher of the Truth will
be able to call the class to attention as soon
as he comes! I know nothing Father,
you know that but i can give it all up to you!
i know that much! i am humbly asking you Father to
take our hearts and take our minds and make them your own!
make us worthy to do thy work!
i humbly ask you in the name of Your Son Jesus Christ
for thy will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven!
(pls send help soon we are all swirling the drain!)
i love you and i love you and i love you so
much i miss you every minute!
i wanted to be with you
by now! so if i am
not to come
you
Please send Love down to us
in the name of
Jesus Christ
amen
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